[personal profile] radarears
So my sister called. She asked if I had done certain things. (Hello, not an idiot...) Yes. I had. She then suggested that I do apply for X, do Y, you should Z. You know what? Fuck off. Are you trying to get your parents back to functional? No. You are curled up on Rochester. I am the one with the situation so STFU. This is not a happy situation.

There were 5 surgeries this summer, asshole. Were you here for them? No. Did you take care of them? No. Have you been step and fetch it for them for three years? No. Did you give up everything in your life for them? No. So please go step off. I am not as selfish as you. G-d forbid I die, YOU will get to deal with this shit.

Do I WANT do to this? No. Am I? Yes, because that's what a responsible considerate person does...which you are not. Am I happy about it? No. Did you have to watch YOUR father have to have back surgery and then recover? No. Are you watching your father be weened off opiates that he has been on for 10 years? No. Do you deal with cranky bitchy adults? No. So please just leave me the fuck alone.

Anytime I start getting geared up for this, YOU either make your "suggestions" or someone has surgery or I have doctors appointments or dinner or some meal I have to make. I don't get time away from this prison. I really hope you get to deal with this on a full time basis and see how YOU like it. It sucks. Now FUCK YOU and leave me alone. (As you may have guessed, I and displeased.)

If you are not in the situation, you have no clue. And you really don't know because until I have dragged you face first through the situation, you really really can't understand or empathize as you are incapable of it, you sociopath. I am so glad I am not you. I don't want to have to give you an object lesson again. If you force the issue, I will. You won't enjoy the experience again, either.

My sister is like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west: she is predictable and won't ever change. I get that. She truly enjoys the pain she causes. She loved terrorizing me as a child and still smiles the most beatific smile when she thinks about it. It is completely disturbing. So when I say, I don't trust her and I know she loves hurting me, I mean it. She will lie about it and deny it...but she does. She, our mother and our grandmother are how I can recognize sociopaths and psychopaths on sight.

You grow up in a household with sociopaths, you learn to recognize it staring you right in the face. Abuse is only the start. I am nearly incapable of feeling fear. That fallout is a direct result of my sister and mother and the shits in my neighborhood. However, I really don't like being around people because for the first 14 years of my life I was around so many vicious people that my general viewpoint of people is that they are vicious and nasty. Even my father's older sister is a mean piece of work. Sadly this suggests my paternal grandmother was not a great person either. (I saw my paternal great grandmother - her mother - and she was just as bad.) I am VERY intolerant of sociopaths. My sister knows that I have a line. She crosses it, I blow a gasket. She does not care for it when I do that. Talking to her is not worth my breath. She does not listen. She only learns when some sort of force is applied. I don't care to do that, but if forced, I will. She has learned to control herself otherwise she gets a run of bad luck like no one's business.

Sadly, she is cruising for another round of bad luck. She is going back to school for her teacher's degrees so she can get into the New York school system. That's just peachy. If she acts as she usually does, and she will, she'll get hammered again. She does not understand the concept of putting holes in her tongue to get through whatever it is...and shoots her mouth off. When she does that she pisses off those who oppose her and as a result they stomp on her. She's burned her ass teaching in private school. I don't see how it will be any better in the public forum. Oh well. It will be a humbling experience for her, anyway. Maybe she will learn however, I doubt it. A cheery voice tone does not hide the manipulative, vicious nature underneath. She does not get that.

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Abigale Marcus

May 2017

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